Burnout and self sabotage: a powerful cocktail that knocked me out
From loving my job to feeling like a shell of a person, why did it happen? + some tools for you to avoid it
First of all, thank you for being here! 🥹
Honestly, this is the first proper issue of this new project I’m working on, so you being here means you’re an OG. Hopefully, we’ll see MindfulMess grow in the coming months (and years). So, here’s to you! *raises a cup of chai tea*
This is what I have in store for you today:
My burnout story: the rise and fall of my last two years
Tips and resources against burnout: from handy websites to CBT and yoga techniques
Self-sabotage discussion: Baby Reindeer and The Mountain is You
Journalling prompt: just something fun for you to do
Memes: because laughter is the best medicine
Now, let’s talk about this issue’s topic: burnout and self sabotage.
My burnout story
Let me paint the picture to you, when I started working for my current company, I couldn’t believe my luck. After a lifelong dream of making writing my career, I was actually getting a paycheck for my writing! The company was also amazing, my teammates were super nice to me, and I felt truly fulfilled.
This is what a typical day at work would look like at the start:
Log in to work, from my house or any cute café I could find, and then write, write, write
Have lunch with my mom (I was still living with her at the time)
After work, go for a killer workout + yoga sesh
Spend the nights having dinner with my mom, or with my friends
I also had time to read, draw, and even journal almost every day
During the weekend I would run or swim and even had time to try dating on Bumble where I found my current boyfriend (but that’s a story for another day)
Everything was a-AMAZING. But, once I had bagged the first year in and switched from 20-hours per week to 30 and then 40, something started to happen…
I started to say “I have work to do” to all of my plans.
My weekends seeing my mom would be spent thinking about the long to-do list I had, and just being brisk and stressed with her.
I stopped seeing my friends as often as I used to—to the point I could go four months without seeing any of them.
I stopped practicing yoga.
And slowly, my day was filled with work, a workout, and that’s pretty much it.
I stopped being creative, and I started to dread writing yet another blog about a SaaS company I couldn’t really connect with or care about.
At this point, my meh attitude towards work started to seep into my performance and overall energy at work—and my boss picked up on it.
We had a chat. He asked me what was going on, and at that point, I told him: “I just feel that what I’m doing is pointless and that I’ve reached my writing ceiling.” That the articles I write would probably just feed Google’s algorithm and the client’s SEO game but not many people would read them—if any at all. I told him that I wasn’t improving anymore. Despite my best efforts, I felt I was getting the same feedback and edits over and over again.
He was very patient with me and tried to give me reasons for why that was simply not true. He explained, how what we did was helping businesses succeed, and at the end, that’s helping people succeed too.
I can’t remember anymore but he also changed a bit my responsibilities so I could also do other stuff besides just creating articles.
That seemed to fix the problem for a while. I started to refocus my work inspiration and tried my best to focus on the mantra of “if businesses succeed, we’re helping people succeed too.”
However, despite finding more joy in my work, I was still not doing great in my personal life. I was focusing too much on work and not enough on living.
Ps. It’s important to say that this hyper-focus on work was not the company’s fault, it was my own over-focused and over-thinking mind that created this work-life imbalance.
And slowly the months kept going by until something shook the content industry: ChatGPT.
I’ll be honest with you, I saw it and I started using it. I could finish work quickly, and it seemed like a quick way to reduce my silly grammar and punctuation mistakes.
Finally, I started to finish things way before deadlines and I was able to start living a bit more again. I felt like the pressure had been lifted.
However, despite feeling great relief for thinking that I had found the perfect tool to speed up my work, the reality was that it was like a hurricane damaging further my self-esteem: Really, could a bot do my job? Am I really that useless? Where am I going to be in a year’s time when the machine is even better and I’m even worse?
Worst of all, my body started to act up (mind and body connection, anyone?). I started to get fevers, headaches, stomach issues, and just cold-like symptoms every month, sometimes twice a month.
Something clearly wasn’t right.
My team was quick to notice my use of AI (despite what my inner dialogue would tell me, I actually wrote better than the bot) and super low energy.
Once again, we had a chat with my boss. He was honestly trying to understand what was going on in that messy mind of mine, and he told me to think of alternatives and ways we could fix this demotivation and reliance on a tool (that really does produce shit content).
In our brainstorming of ideas, he said maybe an advanced writing course would help. That way I can actually improve my writing to the level I want, and realize that I am way more skilled than any stupid machine out there.
Long story short, I did the course (paid by the company) and I fell in love with writing again. However, as months went by after that, I still couldn’t find any sense in writing for B2B and SaaS companies, so my responsibilities shifted to more of a project manager kind of jam. And to be fair, I’ve been pretty happy doing this.
I get to still write, but for our newsletter, academy, and LinkedIn account (I’m writing for the brand that I love and can’t wait to see succeed). I also get to organize and ensure things are moving along without the pressure of having to produce 2000 words on something that doesn’t call me.
I’m truly lucky to work at such a kind company where I can find a way to still feel inspired in what I do, and feel like my work matters. Where I can actually use my strengths, instead of trying to use my weaknesses as my main skill. I’ll never be able to express all the gratefulness I have for it.
As you can see, there were dark times in there, but thanks to my team, I was able to come out the other end with a smile on my face. However, this journey did teach me a lot of things about myself and the work life.
It also taught me that there are very early signs of burnout and it showed me that I was very much to blame for it—oh, hi, self sabotage. My company’s culture was not toxic, and the team was supportive, so sadly, but honestly, the blame was on me.
Below we’ll talk about the ways in which burnout can be avoided according to psychology and I’ll give you a few tips I learned from the experience.
Tips and resources against burnout
Before we dive into the resources and tips I have for you, let’s look at what exactly burnout is:
“Workplace burnout is an occupation-related syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. Burnout can be measured and quantified using validated scientific tools. It involves ongoing emotional exhaustion, psychological distance or negativity, and feelings of inefficacy—all adding up to a state where the job-related stressors are not being effectively managed by the normal rest found in work breaks, weekends, and time off.” (WHO)
As you can see, burnout goes beyond the normal stress we feel at work, and it’s harder to fix than just taking some time off.
[Here’s a quick burnout self-test in case you’re wondering if you’re experiencing it.]
The American Psychological Association, also mentions that there are three dimensions to workplace burnout:
Feelings of energy depletion or emotional exhaustion
Increased mental distance from one’s work and negative or cynical feelings toward one’s work
Reduced sense of efficacy at work
What’s interesting, or should I say dangerous, about burnout is that it doesn’t just affect your feelings towards work and your performance, it can also lead to depression, insomnia, heart disease, headaches, musculoskeletal pain, and even type 2 diabetes.
So, it really is something we need to pay more attention to.
8 things you can do to avoid burnout:
1. Prioritize self-care: take care of your sleep and nutrition and ensure you’re moving your body and taking care of your mental health
2. Take proper breaks from work: not just during the weekend but every night ensure you’re fully disconnecting from work
You think you’re properly resting your mind and body? Check this post from Colby and ensure you’re getting all seven types of rest per week.
3. Learn to be assertive: don’t think you have to say yes to everything—be realistic about your workload and capacity
4. Prioritize social relationships: don’t underestimate making time for your friends and family
5. Be open with your team as soon as you notice the early signs: anxiety for work, cynicism, low energy, lack of motivation, insomnia, etc.
6. Regularly discuss with your team whether workloads are reasonable: don’t be afraid of expressing when you think you’re overworked or when you want a change in your responsibilities
7. Understand that your outcome is NOT your value: this might be hippie, but understand that your intrinsic value as a human being (come on how crazy it is that you’re a self-aware soul existing in this terrestrial body and life?!) is not connected to your outcomes at work or in life. It’s also important to note that being busy doesn’t make you more worthy (a hard thing to do especially if you’ve ever dealt with feelings of not feeling enough).
8. Journal every day: keeping a journal is not just a great way to unload your brain into a piece of paper (which has been shown to help relieve stress and anxiety) but it can also be a great way to check in with you and how you’re really feeling about work and your life
Mainly, you want to make sure that your life outside of work is what you want it to be and that work is an addition to your life, not the whole thing.
And, at least from my experience, burnout doesn’t happen unless you have some hidden/subconscious reality that makes you go so in into your work.
Low self-esteem, feeling like you’re not enough, overthinking and anxiety, can all be the real culprit behind your burnout. Work on those, maybe with a therapist, maybe by journalling and self-help books, but whatever method you choose know that you’ll need to address them in order to be safe from another round of burnout.
However, be mindful that this is when we’re in a supportive and non-toxic work environment. If you can’t talk openly, if your team doesn’t appreciate you as a person, or the culture is just work, work, work, you might have to change jobs before anything else can work. They’re the problem, not you.
7 useful resources against burnout:
Here are some resources that have since helped me and I think are pretty handy for anyone trying to avoid burnout or trying to beat it to the curb:
Headspace: the meditation app to have. They also have specific “courses” you can take so the meditations you do are targeted to improving one aspect of your mental health and self-awareness.
16personalities and Sparketype: these are two tools that help you find more about yourself, the superpowers you have, and what kind of path is better suited for your personality.
Coursera and MindTools: learning new things and feeling like you’re working on your skills can be a great way to alleviate burnout.
The Happiness Lab Podcast: Great podcast by Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos talking about the science of happiness and what to do to truly make our lives better. Based on the psychology course she teaches at Yale—which is the most popular class in the university’s 300-year history!
Down Dog App: Yoga is a great practice to have in your self-care tool kit. Although I’m a qualified teacher, I’ve always enjoyed practicing with this little app. They have great classes, you can personalize the music, teacher voice, and purpose of the class. Really recommend it to anyone that wants to add yoga to their life—plus, practicing yoga in your PJs at home just hits different.
Self-sabotage: Baby Reindeer and The Mountain is You
Now, we’ve talked plenty about burnout, but I also wanted to touch upon the topic of self sabotage. After all, a huge reason of why I ended up getting burnout was due to my own unconscious self sabotage.
As I mentioned before, the company I work at was nothing but supportive and understanding, it was me who kept doing the things that didn’t serve me.
Basically put, self-sabotage is when we do (or don’t do) things that block our success and prevent us from accomplishing our goals. This normally happens unconsciously, but it can also come from conscious thought processes. Self-sabotaging can affect our relationships, our professional lives, and of course, our mental health.
Our self-sabotaging behaviors usually stem from our deep down beliefs of who we are and what we fear.
Imagine I’ve got pretty low self-esteem and always feel like I’m never good enough. When I go after my dreams, I end getting in my own way because I’m terrified of failing at what I want most. So instead of taking the risk and facing that big failure, I start making excuses and messing up on purpose. It’s like I’m trying to keep myself in my comfort zone to avoid confirming what I already think about myself—that I’m a failure.
Baby Reindeer: a great view at self-sabotage
Baby Reindeer is an amazing show that transcends the stalker story we all thought would originally be about.
It’s a deep dive into the psyche of human nature and a superb exhibit of how complicated relationships are, but not just with his stalker and abuser, but with himself.
Although Baby Reindeer touches on many more psychological and mental health issues, I do believe it shows self sabotage at its purest and most devastating form. After all, his self sabotage impacted all of his relationships, his own future, and even put others at peril due to his actions (and inactions).
Donny was so desperate for attention and validation that he let a dangerous woman into his life—someone that even physically harmed his girlfriend. He felt so unworthy of anyone's attention that when he found someone who seemed to admire and appreciate him more than he did himself, he clung to it, thinking it was a rare chance for someone as worthless as him.
At least, that's what he told himself.
I won’t expand on this too much (there are too many scenes we could discuss), but I would like to leave you with this message: most of us self-sabotage to a certain extent. It’s only until we look at our actions (and inactions) that we can begin to analyze and change those deeply rooted beliefs—and see how our life’s transform.
Here are 10 questions you could ask yourself in case you want to know if you’re self-sabotaging your life like Donnie did—or like I did:
Am I setting goals for myself, and if so, am I consistently working towards them?
Do I find myself procrastinating or avoiding tasks that are important for my growth or well-being?
How do I react when faced with challenges or setbacks? Do I give up easily or persevere through difficulties?
Am I overly critical of myself, my abilities, or my accomplishments?
Do I prioritize self-care and maintain healthy habits, such as exercise, nutrition, and sleep?
How do I handle success or praise from others? Do I dismiss it or feel undeserving?
Am I afraid of taking risks or stepping out of my comfort zone?
Do I have a pattern of negative self-talk or limiting beliefs that hold me back?
Are my relationships supportive and fulfilling, or do I find myself in toxic or unhealthy dynamics?
Do I make excuses or blame external factors for my lack of progress or happiness?
Lastly, I mentioned the book The Mountain is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery by Brianna Wiest because I believe it’s one of the best books I’ve read about the topic (funnily enough it was my boyfriend who gifted it to me after we realized I was fully burnout—he’s a keeper 😊).
Here are two quotes that really resonated with me:
“Healing is refusing to tolerate the discomfort of change because you refuse to tolerate mediocrity for one second longer. The truth is that there is no way to escape discomfort; it finds us wherever we are. But we are either going to feel uneasy pushing past our self-imposed limits, breaking boundaries and becoming who we dream of being, or we’re going to feel it as we sit and mull over fears we fabricated to justify why we refuse to stand up and begin.”
“Self-sabotage is what happens when we refuse to consciously meet our innermost needs, often because we do not believe we are capable of handling them.”
Journalling prompt:
Seeing how self-sabotage and burnout can be treated with a healthy dose of being our genuine selves (and accepting and loving ourselves), I have a tiny homework for you:
Write a list of all the things you used to do when you were little that really ignited your soul (playing X game, drawing, singing, spending time with X, you name it)
Choose one of the things from the list and pencil it in for this weekend or next week—you’ll thank me later, I promise 😉
Memes of the week:
Thank you so much for reading! 💚
Hope you enjoyed some of it, or you know, all of it. I’ll try to make each issue a bit shorter from now on but this one was a biggie (it’s about a whole year of my life! lol).
In our next issue we’ll talk about: personal finances!
See you next week!
Enjoy your weekend and remember to spend time making your inner-child happy!
With MindfulMessy love,
Cris. 💌
Ps. Feel free to message me about what you’ve enjoyed from this issue and what you would hope to see in the next issues of MindfulMess—also, feel free to tell me what did you decide to do this weekend to keep your inner-child happy! 🤩